The story of one of my many other failed attempts of writing a movie.

A container of toxic waste falls into a town and starts turning people into zombies. Yes, this is the same thing that happens in Return of the Living Dead and yes, it was probably on purpose. A punk rock guy (I swear, I hadn’t seen Return of the Living Dead since I was a kid at this point) hunkers down in his house to try to survive. He hates his parents and they hate his band. They think he’ll never amount to anything. No one does. He shows them all by discovering that his band’s particular flavor of punk rock makes the zombies’ heads explode (yes, like in Mars Attacks!). He saves the day by opening his garage and playing a song called “Die, Zombies, Die” which both attracts the zombies because of the noise and then makes their heads explode when they get close enough. He gets the girl and the adoration of everyone in town.

That was part one. It had a super cool title, but I can’t remember what it was. The screenplay was probably awful and it’s probably best that my memory of it is all I have. Part 2 was going to be called “REGURGITOR,” as in one who regurgitates, but said in a menacing manner. It was going to have just one zombie who vomited acidic vomit onto people and killed them. It was going to be more of a monster movie. The 3rd part was a romantic comedy called “That’s My Zombie!” where a person learns to live with the spouse who just became a zombie, with an annoying 50’s style laugh track and aesthetic. Oddly enough, I’ve seen a few movies with this basic premise in the last decade or so.

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The world is a fiery hellscape right now and our country is probably dying. Let me spin some yarns and entertain you.

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Horatio Tuna

Horatio Tuna

The world is a fiery hellscape right now and our country is probably dying. Let me spin some yarns and entertain you.