The story of one of my many other failed attempts of writing a movie.
In which the author explains the line from his previous story about “his many failed attempts at making a movie.”
In my previous story about DRILLBIT, I mentioned that I had tried several times to get a movie made. I made a few short films in high school for class projects, and that was a lot of fun (and they weren’t HORRIBLE). It remains my dream to someday actually get a movie made. Most of the times, my attempts don’t make it much past the idea stage (maybe I should be a producer or something…an “idea guy.” I have a ton of good ideas for horror movies and romantic comedies. Yes, I know that’s a weird combination).
But this is about the attempt that actually got the closest to completion: a completed script. Yes, I actually wrote an entire film script. I seriously doubt it was long enough for a real movie, and contained mostly stage direction and very little dialog (“fuck it, we’ll improvise” was my thought). It was a zombie movie (this was before zombie movies were everywhere again), with a heavy Troma influence. It had planned continuity errors written in (clothes and actors constantly changing). I cannot for the life of my remember what the name of the movie was. Sadly, the script was also lost when my old computer died before I had a chance to save it to the external hard drive that I had all of my other writings saved to. It was part one of a loose trilogy. The summary of part one was as follows:
A container of toxic waste falls into a town and starts turning people into zombies. Yes, this is the same thing that happens in Return of the Living Dead and yes, it was probably on purpose. A punk rock guy (I swear, I hadn’t seen Return of the Living Dead since I was a kid at this point) hunkers down in his house to try to survive. He hates his parents and they hate his band. They think he’ll never amount to anything. No one does. He shows them all by discovering that his band’s particular flavor of punk rock makes the zombies’ heads explode (yes, like in Mars Attacks!). He saves the day by opening his garage and playing a song called “Die, Zombies, Die” which both attracts the zombies because of the noise and then makes their heads explode when they get close enough. He gets the girl and the adoration of everyone in town.
That was part one. It had a super cool title, but I can’t remember what it was. The screenplay was probably awful and it’s probably best that my memory of it is all I have. Part 2 was going to be called “REGURGITOR,” as in one who regurgitates, but said in a menacing manner. It was going to have just one zombie who vomited acidic vomit onto people and killed them. It was going to be more of a monster movie. The 3rd part was a romantic comedy called “That’s My Zombie!” where a person learns to live with the spouse who just became a zombie, with an annoying 50’s style laugh track and aesthetic. Oddly enough, I’ve seen a few movies with this basic premise in the last decade or so.
And yes this was obviously more of a thematic trilogy. I assume the toxic waste from the first movie would be the connective tissue, and I am not exactly sure why REGURGITATOR wouldn’t be a zombie, but whatever. I had grand plans to finish this and never did, but maybe this post will inspire me enough to finish them someday.